Signs Of Flirting Vs. Sexual Harassment
"It's important to know the signs of flirting and what lines shouldn't be crossed!"
How can we tell the signs of flirting versus someone who is sexually harassing us?
Sexual harassment is a major issue that most of us women, at some point or another, have to deal with. Many women I know try and justify it as part of “being a woman” process. Instead, it leaves them with feelings of guilt, shame, confusion, fear and anger. Women have the right to feel safe in their home, university and workplace environments.
So what is Sexual Harassment anyway?
Sexual harassment can take many appearances. It means any unwelcome sexual behavior. This includes unwanted touching, lewd remarks, displaying pornographic pictures, blackmail for sexual favors, and much more.
Women are sexually harassed in the streets, in public transport, and, very often, at their workplace. Sadly, the reality is that very few women report being sexually harassed as they feel that little action can be taken against the harassers or the workplace. Many women also fear they may lose their jobs.
Does sexual harassment have to involve sex?
No. Conduct that is sexual in nature but does not include any sexual activity is still sexual harassment. Behavior that is "sexual in nature" includes most situations people think of when they think of sexual harassment: sexual advances, repeated requests for dates, lewd remarks, pornographic pictures, or sexual jokes. Harassment does not have to involve any physical contact at all - words alone may be enough.
Definitions of Sexual Harassment Vs. Signs of Flirting
Sexual harassment makes the receiver feel: • Bad
Signs of flirting makes the receiver feel: • Good |
Sexual harassment results in: • Negative self esteem
Signs of flirting results in: • Positive self esteem |
Sexual harassment is perceived as: • One-sided
Signs of flirting is perceived as: • Reciprocal |
Sexual harassment is: • Unwanted
Signs of flirting is: • Wanted |
Sexual harassment can happen in a variety of ways:
VISUAL: public pornographic images, sexual gestures, staring, exposing private parts.
AURAL: sexual rumors, repeated and unwanted invitations, comments about one's body or clothing, sexual jokes.
PHYSICAL: blocking one's path, invading one's personal space, unwanted sexual or bodily contact
There are different kinds of sexual harassment:
- Power-Player - Or also said 'Quid pro quo' ("this for that", "a favor for a favor", "something for something"). This may occur in a relationship where the harasser has more formal power than the victim. A harasser may make sexual demands in exchange for providing higher pay, getting or keeping a job, recommendations, promotions, a persuading/enticing offer, or if you are a student - even higher grades.
- Excessive Complimenter - This is usually verbal harassment that involves excessive compliments and personal comments that focus on physical aspects (appearance and gender). These 'compliments' are usually embarrassing to the recipient and are most times accompanied by staring sexual looks (they go beyond the normal signs of flirting and cross the limits).
- The Intellectual Harasser - This is a tricky one. This seducer will use their educational background, their smartness and intellectuality to impress. Most times these are professor-like-types who use their knowledge to seduce someone into their "exercises" or "studies". A very manipulative harasser.
What should I do if I believe that I am being sexually harassed?
* First, you should inform the harasser that you want the unwelcome behavior to STOP, unless you fear it will jeopardize your physical safety or your job. Direct communication with the harasser is often more effective than merely ignoring the behavior. Make it clear what behavior you object to and ask that it stop. If verbal requests are not effective you can also tell someone else in a position of authority whom you trust.
* Report any incidents of harassment. If the harassment is taking place at your work-place, tell your boss or someone who is in authority. Employers should treat the complaint process as confidential, though the harasser and potential witnesses will have to be contacted in an investigation.
If you are being harassed outside of your workplace, on a blind date, some guy you've been dating for awhile, or even a boyfriend; make it verbally CLEAR that you want the harassment to stop and detach yourself from the harasser. If the harassment doesn't stop, go to the police!
* Keep a journal of the harassment. Keep written records describing each incident of harassment, including what happened, where, on what date, and who else was present. Do this as soon as possible after the incident, and note the date and time you are writing it down. Keep updating the journal if new incidents occur. This written record can be important evidence in later internal investigations or legal actions.
* Keep copies of any offensive notes or pictures and any notes or documents that relate to the harassment.
* Network with others. If you know other people who know the harasser, talk to them about the harassment. You may find witnesses, allies, or others that have also felt the signs of flirting become harassement by the same person.
* Tell supportive friends, family members, and colleagues about the abuse. Telling others about the harassment not only can give you much needed support, but it can also be important evidence later.
If these steps do not end the harassment, you may want to consider taking legal action.
The most important advice I can give you, is to stand behind your true feelings; don't be afraid to say "NO" and really mean it. If you feel the guy has crossed the 'signs of flirting' limits into the realm of sexual harassment, act on it and be firm and defensive about your safety.
By speaking up, you could be helping not only yourself, but other victims of the same harasser as well by strengthening the case. You may also help prevent the perpetrator from repeating the offense in the future.
(This article was written thanks to the National Women's Law Center).
Be alert and stay safe,
Don't forget to check out one of my most read articles: Signs of Flirting - on being a better flirt and seeing if the other side is flirting too!
