Online Dating Etiquette - Do's and Don'ts

"When it comes to online dating etiquette, do I have to respond to undesired emails or winks from men I'm not interested in?"

So, you can dress how you like, and you can eat what you want, but you've got to know online dating etiquette before those fingers start tickling that keyboard.

You probably know which knife to use with your fish and how to write a pretty warm happy-birthday card, but are you acquainted with the do's and don'ts of the online dating world?

Yes, if you're venturing onto the Internet dating scene, there are rules of the road you should know - these rules are known as 'online dating etiquette'—and knowing these etiquettes can spell the difference.

 

Online Dating Etiquette First and foremost, (before anything else)… you have to be honest when writing your profile or when sending messages. Any little white lies or made-up-stories will be found out sooner or later. Honesty is very attractive, no matter how you look at your keyboard…

 

"Is it complicated?"

Online Dating Etiquette in the cyber world is just like etiquette in the 'real world'. It comes down to being sensitive, honest, civilized and respectful to the other side - treat others like you want to be treated.

 

"Is it okay to 'online date' several men at once?"

It's perfectly fine (and even recommended) to talk, wink, email and even schedule several dates with several men you find interesting. The rule here is simple: "Outflow Brings Inflow" – More applies will ensure a steady stream of responses. Taking your time and writing to one man at a time can extend your search for love in months or even years. After all, even though you've corresponded with them online, you still haven't met them yet. You aren't dating them. BUT, if you are going to get serious or physical with someone you should hold off contacting anyone else.

"I'm "dating" a man I met online. We've been together only four times. However, things went well and I really like him. After our forth encounter he made it clear that he did not like that I continued to remain available online. So, I removed my profile. But he's still there. When I brought this up, he told me that he's made friends with different individuals that he enjoys talking to, but never intends to meet. He asked me to trust him. What should I do?"

 

"Is it ok to keep my profile up when I'm serious with someone?"

Keeping your profile up in these terms is a big No-No.

In online dating etiquette, it is also recommended not to email, wink, chat or flirt with anyone else during that time. Leaving your profile activated can hurt your chance to truly get involved with your new love and disperse your attention in the wrong places. Try to remember why you started 'this Internet dating thing' in the first place? Don't turn this whole thing into an ego game.

However, if you're just starting a relationship with a guy and you don't know where it's heading it's ok not to delete your profile or cancel your online membership, but it's important that you pull your profile down from the activated list and freeze your online membership account for a while.

You don't have to delete your profile completely; you can also take your picture down and write in the “About Yourself” section- “I'm seeing someone now. Not open for new correspondences”. Some dating sites let you ‘freeze' your membership so that if you want to date online again you reopen your membership and that way all of your information isn't erased.

 

"If someone contacts me and I'm not interested, do I owe them a response?"

In the world of online dating etiquette, the silent treatment is a "not interested" sign. So you don't have to feel obligated to answer every message you get. It's perfectly acceptable to just ignore.

However, sending a confirmation can be very simple. Different dating sites give you the opportunity to click on the button that sends a polite note of “thanks, but no thanks” reply.

One more option is to estimate how much effort went into the email you received: If the writer just wrote "hi", no need to respond. However, if you got a five-page personal mail, a nice “thanks but I'm not available right now” may well be the polite thing to send. Most important in this online dating etiquette question, is to use your best judgment and be polite.

"How much can I 'stretch the truth' when writing my profile?"

Please gals, remember what I told you, Do Not Lie with your profile ad! No matter what other people say to you! (this is important when it comes to online dating etiquette). It is highly recommended to be honest in your Internet dating profile. This is the only information your men get about you, and it is good etiquette to be honest. That means posting a relevant picture of yourself, not one that is 20 years younger and forty pounds lighter. It means telling the truth about your age, profession, education etc. Remember that you will meet these people eventually, and any dishonesty will become abundantly clear with time.  If you are seeking a meaningful long-term relationship, then you will certainly want to start it off on a positive and truthful note.

 

 

"Is it OK to ask interfering questions like 'What company do you work at?' and 'why did you leave your ex-girlfriend?' "

It is very important to avoid invading anyone's privacy especially with men. Try to feel your online guy through more general questions: Instead of asking “Where do you work?” or “Why did you divorce?” Try, “What field are you in?” or “What do you think is necessary for a good relationship to succeed?” Let your date take the lead on just how detailed he gets. With this particular online dating etiquette, be sensitive to the other side's private space when you chat, you'll find out it changes from one person to another.

If you are on the receiving side of too much snooping, you can always just say, “I don't feel comfortable with telling people on the internet these private things until I get to know them better”— that way it won't be taken personally and you get to keep your privacy and safety.

"If I've discovered I'm not interested in a guy I met in person after chatting online, do I have to tell him something, or can I just 'poof'?"

In regards to online dating etiquette, I find it pretty impolite to pretend your date never existed and just ignore him all of a sudden and disappear. I recommend you not to do it. Just say ‘thanks for your time; I really enjoyed but I don't think we're a match.' That is all that's required. Remember, every person deserves the same courtesy you'd like to get. Don't hide behind your computer.

 

 

Online Dating Etiquette Break-Up: "At what point is it still OK to break up by email?"

This depends on how intimate you get with your guy. If you're in the early stages of dating and you're just corresponding through email it is perfectly OK and is commonly done to break up via email. If you've gotten intimate and even met for a few times I suggest a phone call or even a face-to-face meeting. And if you have doubts about how to break up I suggest you to write an email which offers to talk on the phone or meet up if they like — that way, it's clear you're sensitive to their feelings. There are enough people out there that suppress others. Avoid being one of them. It will leave you feeling better about yourself if you let them down gently. After all, you would not like it if someone were tactless and rude to you. A good rule of thumb with online dating etiquette (and with life in general!) is to say to others what you would like them to say to you.

 

 

"Can I send the same Email to a few men I find interesting?"

If you've spotted a few men you find interesting I highly suggest you personalize your messages by responding to things mentioned in their emails and profiles this will also increase your chances of getting a personal response.

You can have parts in the message that do repeat themselves throughout all of the e-mails, like things about yourself and humoristic phrases, etc; but for the rest try and personalize.

Online Dating Etiquette: Ask A Guy Out?! "If I find a guy interesting after a long chat should I ask him out?"

Of course!!! DON'T hesitate to ask a guy out once you got the feeling that he is into it - use your intuition. We know that it is “traditional” that the guy asks the girl out… but nowadays; the contemporary woman is as powerful. The truth is men who are into us love it when we gals ask them out.

"How should I react if someone offenses me or rejects me?"

DON'T be mad at anyone if they say they don't want to communicate with you, need more time before opening up, or are not ready to meet. They're probably not playing hard to get. Don't take it personally

If someone sends an impolite message I suggest you to ignore him. Do not start 'online battles' it's a waste of time – Move On . And please ladies, DO have reasonable expectations and take it in stride if a relationship doesn't work out. DON'T take things too personally. Some people have no manners ;-).

Online Dating Etiquette - HUMOR. "Should I use humor when corresponding with men?"

Humor is great, especially if it's a part of your offline personality, but be careful when using it. Humor doesn't always translate over the wires, and it's difficult to assume how the recipient is responding. To set the tone, add an emoticon or two, like a :) or a ;-).

"Should I use sexual hints or sexual talk in order to attract more men?"

Discussing sex, making sexual comments, or making sexual hints is usually unacceptable online dating etiquette early in a relationship. Using sex talk to attract a man will probably draw nearer the 'wrong man' to your life.  Again, in most dating sites you could be blocked or deleted for inappropriate sexual comments.

"How long should I wait before responding to a man that emailed or phoned me?"

Try to avoid playing games. If you're in for finding you life partner, games won't help you. If you have time and you feel like answering do it now! Answer the responses and initial inquiries within no time. Moreover, it is considered good etiquette to answer all emails since people have taken the time and effort to communicate with you.

If you become overwhelmed by the interest of many men or women, simply freeze your account until you can catch up.

After knowing about online dating etiquette, it's best to check out my “Online Chatiquette” article – to learn how to Chat Online; it complements this article and gives great specific information on how to chat online.

 

“Become the ideal partner and you will meet your ideal match. Believe in yourself; believe that what you want is possible. Live on purpose, make choices that affirm and esteem your best self and go for it. Don't waste time with people who are looking for who you are not. And don't show up being anything less than who you are!

Remember, only you can make it happen!”

(A quote from Dr. Jackie Black)