Flirting Body Language -
Signs Of Attraction
"This article helped me with my flirting body language, I feel more confident now!"
Have you always wanted to learn how to radiate 'flirting body language' but were too embarrassed? Is there a guy around you that you'd wish he'll notice you but you don't know how to get his attention? Do you feel clumsy with your body in social meetings (parties, pubs, bars)?
What is 'flirting body language'?
Flirting is all about eye contact, smiles, some gentle teasing and above all – using your body language right so that you can cause any man you're interested in to approach you. These are highly important skills we (women) should acquire to ourselves in order to succeed with men!
How does a body 'speak'?
How you sit, what you do with your hands, your legs, your arms. How you smile, which side you lean… every small and basic posture reveals information about you, namely what you're feeling, what you might be thinking and, most importantly, if that guy sitting across from you is getting to you. Our body speaks a language all its own. The thing about flirting body language is that we can be completely in control of it and this is what this coaching article is all about.
Why 'flirting body language' is so important?
We want to be aware of what messages we're sending and avoid transferring certain information we're not willing to transfer. Think about it, you can use your flirting body language to your own advantage by transmitting only the messages you want him to receive, which gives you the upper hand.
Here are a few flirting body language examples:
Playing with hair = Lack of self confidence, Boredom
Licking Lips = Interested, Attracted
Rubbing eyes = Doubt, Tired, Bored
Biting fingernails = Insecurity
Stroking chin = Trying to make a decision
Drumming fingers = Impatience
Hands on hips = Aggression
Tugging at ear = Indecision, Insecurity
Rubbing nose = Lying
Hand on cheek = Evaluating all the options
Walking briskly = Confidence
Rubbing hands together = Anticipation
Walking with hands shoved in pockets = Dejection, Embarrassed
Can anyone learn how to flirt with the body?
Flirting is not a talent. It is not an art or a skill we should practice or memorize. Flirting skills are lying inside of us all the time. We don't need to be taught how to flirt; we only need to remember... So here are a few tips too refresh your memory…
Imagine you're in a big party and you've targeted a guy you're interested in getting to know… here's a step by step guide until 'he's in your pocket'...
* Flirting body language Step 1:
Identify a specific person with whom you really want to approach and establish Eye Contact with him. Two people can strongly connect through looking into each other's eyes; before either of you speak a single word, the eyes have already telegraphed messages.
Eye messages can range from initial curiosity, to shy interest, to attractive passionate communication. Eye contact is critical. Before we got together, my partner and I held each others gaze for what seemed like forever. This intensity made everyone else in the room seem to disappear, so we only noticed each other. Eye contact is the first and most important flirting body language.
When you start catching eachother's eye contact, it's almost a nonverbal statement announcing you are interested in him. If you spend enough time with the person you are interested in, flirting becomes almost like a second nature. You start to act how you feel without even thinking about it. When you look deeply into a guy's eyes, you're telling him you think he's the most fascinating person in the room for you.
* Flirting body language Step 2:
While looking at your desired guy start magnetizing your thoughts; catch his attention as he looks around the room and look directly into his eyes with a gentle smile. When your eyes meet, hold the connection a little longer than normally done. Do it definitely longer than when looking at other men.
Then while looking at him, think these thoughts so your expression in your eyes will invite him: "Hi, I find you so cute… now that you're smiling even more…" (He might even read your mind!). Direct your thoughts only to cause him reaching toward your direction: "I find you the most fascinating, handsome, charming man in this party", "I feel like dancing with you". Remember ladies, these are "only thoughts" but if you can really feel these thoughts, your body will automatically start talking this flirting body language without even noticing.
After you caught his attention, slightly smile, and slowly drop your gaze down to another direction. This step is very important because you tempted your guy for a while and when dropping your eye contact surprisingly without an advanced notice you cause your guy to make the first move toward you :-) (And that's what we want!).
When you hold your gaze for longer than normal, then break eye contact and look to other direction you are sending a strong flirting bod language message saying: "I am interested in you! You may approach me! I did the first move. The ball is in your hands now… I am waiting for you!" I wonder how many men have fallen for that female trick over the past millions of years…?
* Flirting body language Step 3:
He approaches you…
While you wait for him to approach you, immediately re-adjust your body to sit up straight and more directly face him with your arms not crossed in front of you. When a woman crosses her arms over her chest it's a sneaky way of drawing attention to her breasts. It's an ancient gesture of sexual anticipation laced with sexual anxiety, which a man might correctly read as the woman's acknowledgement of the basic Me Tarzan, Jane is here... Although you should play this "arm crossing" game gently because it can be also interpreted in different ways by a guy. It can telegraph the message that you're a vulnerable female creature who feels the need to protect herself. Or to say that you don't like this guy at all and that your fondest wish at the moment is that he'll go away.
If he hasn't come over to you in a few minutes, slightly look back. He probably is working up his courage. This time your 'actress look' and your mental thoughts are going to be saying, "I don't understand why you aren't approaching me. I want to meet you!"
* Flirting body language Step 4:
Create a physical and sexual space between you.
This stage is done mostly with body language in four phases:
Leg Crossing:
Leg crossing can be interpreted as a nervous or provocative gesture. Lots of women unconsciously cross and uncross their legs when they're anxious. If you're doing this, the man will correctly conclude that he's somehow "getting" to you. In other words, it's a dead giveaway to the guy that he's unsettled you and his energy has thrown off your balance.
On the other hand, if you're deliberately crossing your legs to show off your sexy gams, or deliberately pointing your top leg in his direction, it means you like him a lot. If you can't stop crossing your legs and you're virtually twitching in your seat, again- this is an unconscious gesture that clearly tells a man that he's really getting to you. You probably don't want to give him that much power. If he knows you're burning hot for him, he has the upper hand - and you don't want that. If something about him has really got you squirming, get up, go outside and take a walk with him. Movements will covert these flirting body language signs.
Hair Twirling:
Toying with your hair is a sure sign of nervousness. If you find yourself doing this, take a moment to ask yourself why this guy is making you nervous. Is it because he's too handsome? Maybe too smart? Or too boring?
Hair twirling can also be a playful gesture. Women with long hair tend to play with their hair. Hair is sexy and twirling and tossing it draws a man's eye to it. But beware: Many guys say it really bugs them when women keep playing with their hair. Talk about sending the wrong message! What some women think is sexy is a major turnoff to some guys.
Leaning Toward Him:
The most common form of this is leaning forward when you're sitting across from him. This gesture shows interest and acceptance. In short, it means you just think he's the funniest, cutest, most fascinating man put on the face of this earth! (okay, so I'm excited here :-D). But anyways, keep your poker face lady! If you go overboard with the lean, you're giving away your whole hand. You want to keep him guessing at least a little bit, right? If you catch yourself practically falling into his lap, take a deep breath, sit back in your seat and rest your hands in your lap for a few minutes - at least until you cool off. If you find yourself leaning away from him, you're either telling him you're not intrested or you're working overtime to not let him know you're all hot and bothered for him.
Lip Licking:
This is purely physiological. Forget what they say about "drooling" over a hot guy. When we're aroused and excited, our mouths get dry. If you find yourself licking your lips a lot in the company of a new man, it means that something about him is really getting to you. Watch out! Lip licking clearly conveys the message that you're interested in a man. It is a very sexy, and overt, type of flirting body language - that is, if it is done correctly.
What we are talking about here is a slow, sultry swipe along your lips with the tip of your tongue. Just remember to use this one with caution. Your Flirt Object will probably think you are telling him you want to take him to bed. And maybe you do! If that's the case and you're both equally interested, by all means, lick your lips. It's another way of saying, "Let's go back to your place right now." In other words, it's an action-getter.
* Flirting body language Step 5:
Carefully let him into your space...
Hopefully by now feel safe and confident that your guy's attention is all yours. So now you want to find out how interesting he is and if he has interests similar to yours. The conversation should now center around gathering and finding common grounds interests.
You should be interested in him, ask him all the questions you want to know and let him be interested in you. Your purpose in this phase is to determine if you two have a chance for a long term compatibility (or at least some fun together for a short time). Most likely all he is interested in, is how you look naked and how soon he can "climb on you" (Guys are wired differently, in case you haven't noticed!)
This communication process is more difficult than it appears, and it is the point where the connection between you both can abruptly break off. This may not be good news to you: men don't think like women. Therefore to 'get through to him' you need to reveal some personal intimate information about yourself and be very much interested in him.
Observe his personal appearance, manners, and flirting body language. If you like what you observe it's ok to let him get even closer. You can touch him discreetly and gently, then wait for a similar touch in return. This discreet exchange of touching indicates both of you now understand it is alright to get even closer physically and emotionally.
* Flirting body language Step 6:
Allow passion to appear.
Assume you both have gotten emotionally and physically closer, and that there is a point where you should kiss (A kiss is just another way of touching. A really nice way!) Remember gals, He will kiss you when he feels safe and he thinks that you will accept it. But it takes courage for him to kiss you. He fears you may not want that, or that he will miss your mouth and suck your nose, or do something really stupid and embarrassing. He is wondering how you like it? Dry or wet? All kinds of thoughts and fears are going through his brain as he plots his strategy.
This uncertainty gives him a surge of adrenaline and further revs up his body for action. The excitement of the chase after you (or any woman) is much like the same adrenaline surge in hunting. That is familiar and well-travelled territory to his old brain limbic system. The hormones that are released during the chase make his body excited, but his brain does not work really well under this kind of pressure. He is operating mostly on ancient instincts programmed in his DNA.
If you are ready for his kiss, you can help him with your proper body language: Move closer and look into his eyes. Let your face and body relax as if you were 'melting'. Especially concentrate on letting the muscles around your eyes and mouth completely relax. This sends a flirting body language signal that you are not going to resist him. You should look passive and receptive [Incidentally, this 'melting face' trick (plus wet lips) is used by the top models to appear most appealing and sexy in their photos].
If he is a little slow to catch your flirting body language signals, lean more toward him to give him a whiff of your body pheromones. The smell of your hair will make his breathing much deeper, as he tries to breath-in more of your delightfully stimulating odors. Clean fresh sweat is the traditional ancient man-trapper, so don't fear the run-off after some fast dances. That is nature's gift to you and him. Don't try to talk to him now. His brain is racing like a car's engine going full speed, but with the gears still in 'neutral'. He wants to race to the finish line but at the same time is trying to appear cool and casual while he tries to figure out if you are really ready. His first kiss planted on your lips (if his aim is good) is truly one of the best free thrills in nature.
Have fun ;-)
Epilogue: The key to successful flirting is making the other person feel comfortable with the fact that you are both outwardly showing affection in public. Signs that the other person is uncomfortable can include lack of eye contact, fidgeting and the mentioning of attention from other men.
How do we tell if our body is sending the right signals? It's so easy sometimes to get caught up in what's going on in front of us and forget that our emotions are our essential guide to what we're creating. Once we remember to stop and check in... Does this feel good? Is this what I want or am I focused on what I don't want? When we make the shift to focusing on what we do want, it changes our emotions so we automatically start creating the "right" flirting body language signals. We have the power to pull what we want into our lives.
Have fun flirting!
