Dating Tips For Women That Will Help You Clean Out Your EX-Leftovers
"Don't miss out on these important dating tips for women"
I've read lots of dating tips for women, but why haven’t I still found true love? Maybe online dating is not 'my thing'? Is there another way that I can find true love?
We are all anxious to love and to be loved. Some of us succeed better than others, some give up, many compromise, and the rest just don’t know what they’re doing wrong.
If you're looking for practical tools that will help you find true love than these dating tips for women are for you!
How is it that I can't find love?
We all tend to blame someone or someplace when things aren't "going right" in our lives. I remember myself in the period I was searching for love. I was skipping from one dating site to another, obsessed with the 'mission' to find the "one"; changing my pictures, changing my profile, deleting and writing again and again and of course, coming back every other night after a boring date with the wrong guy. I admit I had my days of despair but I didn't let them overpower my passion for love.
Although what I most remember about those days, is myself blaming everything and everyone around me, "this dating site is crap", “I’m not attractive”, "there are no quality guys on the internet", "this whole online dating 'thing' is just not for me” and more and more and more. I blamed everything and everyone.
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Then why isn’t online dating working for me?
There could be many reasons. You might have chosen the "wrong site", it could be in the way you wrote your profile and the way you introduced yourself, and it could be "the wrong picture" (although I do not believe these are the real reasons for you not finding love for such a long time). So before you run to your computer to make these cosmetic profile changes I suggest you keep on reading…
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Is there something wrong with me?
A very old and wise man once told me that when something in my life doesn't go right I should resist my necessity to look for external reasons and find the reason for this inside myself. In this case I should ask myself “Why am I holding love from flowing into my life?”
Flowing?!
Yup. Imagine love to be non-stopping rain that flows and pours from the sky (you know, there is enough love for everyone!). Now, imagine your body as a vessel or a channel for this rain to pass through you and fill you with all the love you need. If your vessel is clean and open, then the rain will pass through it without any problems but if the vessel is blocked in different parts then the rain has a problem flowing through you.
This is a small allegory for what happens to us in life. When we feel stuck in different places we most likely have blocked ourselves unknowingly…and the love we desperately want has no place in our life.
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How do I open my vessel?
This is exactly what I'm going to coach you about in this ‘Dating tips for women article’. But in order to start this coaching session you have to be able to take the responsibility for not finding love and stop blaming everyone around you; if you're already there then it's time to begin.
The technique I'm going to introduce you here is called "overt acts and withholds" and it was written by R. Hubbard. This article will simplify this technique so you'll be able to use it in every aspect of your life.
Overt acts and Withholds Technique
Naturally In any social activity in which we interact, values and moral codes are developed. This is true of any group of any size – a couple, a family, a team, a company, etc.
What is a value or a moral code?
It is a series of agreements to which a person has subscribed. For example if you are getting married with a guy- you agree to be faithful to him. If this agreement is violated, the relationship is now in trouble.
A harmful act or a transgression against these values is called an overt act. For example: "I've been dating a guy for six months now but I'm also corresponding with another two on my dating site without telling him" – that's an overt act. Another example is "I'm dating a married man", sorry gals, but this too is an overt act. We call these small overt acts- “white lies” in our daily life. We also believe that these 'white lies' aren't really hurting anyone and its better not to talk about them so that the other side will not get hurt. This is where we slip into phase B of this 'snow ball' – called withhold and justifications.
An unspoken, unannounced transgression against a value by which the person is bound is called a Withhold. A withhold is an overt act a person committed that he or she is not talking about.
When we commit overt acts and then withhold them, we usually tend to employ the social mechanism of Justification. By Justification I mean explaining how an overt act was not really an overt act.
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Here's an example for the whole mechanism of overt act – withhold - justification:
"I'm dating a guy for a year now and we plan to get married. One evening when I was coming back from work I met my Ex-boyfriend in the subway. Well, we had a small chat and then we stopped for coffee. After an hour when we separated, we kissed…". (This was the overt act). “I decided not to tell Allen (my future husband)”… (this was the withhold)… ...”because it wasn't a meaningful kiss for me and I didn't want to hurt him, especially before our wedding”… (and these are the justifications). |
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This is a downward spiral. One commits over acts, he then seeks to justify them by finding fault or displacing blame. This leads him into further over acts against the same people which lead to degradation of himself and the relationship.
When we gather too much over acts and withholds in a specific matter in our lives (Relationship, Work, Friends, etc.) we tend to leave this place/person in order to non-confront our overt acts and withholds.
We are all using this mechanism in order to 'survive' and these overt acts and withholds we gather within time cause these "stuck" flows.
We become more frustrated, confused, and even depressed about something that goes wrong in our lives without knowing the real reasons and how to overcome the situation.
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How do I clean my overt acts and withholds?
In order to open up your 'love flow' you’ll need to clean your overt acts and withholds in this aspect of life (love and relationships). The technique for doing this is very simple. Take a pen and a paper and write up ALL of your overt acts you remember you did in your past relationships and love life. You should write each overt act separately, mentioning the place and the time it took place (year, season, day, night) and than write exactly what happened in specific details (try to write everything you remember). Anything can be an overt act, they can be active overt acts like cheating, and more passive overt acts like lying. Here's an example for a written over act:
| "Three years ago I was married to Sally. I cheated on her by seeing another woman. I have never told Sally about this. One morning (in June 1985) I had told Sally I would take her to the movies that night and on my way home from work, When I was at Macy's department store, I saw an old girlfriend of mine – Barbara. I asked Barbara to go out to dinner with me that night and she accepted. (She did not know I was married). I told her I would pick her up at 8:00 P.M that night. When I got home I told Sally I had to go back to work to get some things done and would not be able to go out to the movies with her. I then went out to dinner in another city with Barbara (at the Country inn) so that I would not risk seeing any of my friends." |
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It’s best to add as much details as possible. When you finish writing down the exact overt act, it’s also good to mention if you had any withholds about it. For example: "I cheated on my wife by seeing another woman and never told her about this".
You should write up all your overt acts and withholds you remember you did in regards to your love life and past relationships until you are satisfied that they are complete. The more you let go and confront, the more relief you will feel.
Writing overt acts and withholds FREES us!
In the process of writing your overt acts and withholds, you will most likely start feeling better because all this hidden charge that was captured in side of you will start to disappear. This means your 'flows' start becoming cleaner and ready for new love, your vessel becomes more purified and refined – leaving more room for love to flow in.
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Last step (and the most embracing one)
After exposing and revealing your overt acts and withholds to yourself, you will find the biggest relief if you reveal each overt act to the person or group you committed the overt acts against. This is not a simple task, it may take awhile to gather up your courage and confront these people. If you are not in touch with some of them, think about sending an e-mail, or airmail, or anything that can just send away your confessions. These actions are mostly for you, so that you will feel a huge relief.
If it’s too much for you to confront all of these people, you can also start by giving someone who is close to you to read your overt acts (either to him/herself or out loud, whichever is most comfortable for you). There is something very strong about revealing your overt acts and withholds, it is the biggest freedom you can have.
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It's hard for me, should I stop?
While writing your overt acts from the past, mixed emotions will probably start to arise. It is very important not to be afraid of them. I suggest you let them pass through you and disappear. Remember, life is a journey and not a destination; the way out of things is the way through them. It is very important not to stop the process of writing because of these mixed-emotions.
This is on of the most useful dating tips for women. It is real technology that can make a difference; I highly suggest you to try it.
Don't stay in the road of your own freedom. Be truthful to yourself. Be free.
Good luck and all the best,
After writing your overts and withholds, check out more dating tips for women.
You've gone to great lengths to write your own overt acts and withholds, now it's time to tell (and share) with us your very own story with this technology or any dating tips for women in regards to overts and withholds. Feel free to write any thoughts, opinions or any other dating tips for women in the following form:
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