Dating Rules For First Date Safety
"These dating rules saved my life! It's a must-read for all women"
Are you set up for a first date? Learn how to stay SAFE!
Most first meetings are perfectly safe... only some aren't.
Being a woman in the game of dating means you must awaken you senses and wariness and leave your naive attitude out of the game. When it comes to your personal safety, it's not only OK to snoop, it's your duty.
Here are a few important dating rules to keep you safe before meeting men face to face:
* Set the Rules for the First Date
It's very important to be active when planning your first date. Many times it's only a matter of clear communication in order to have a successful date. In your last correspondence or phone call with the guy you're about to meet, it's very important that you tell him what you want and need. Say what's important for you. Say what you like and don't like. State your expectations and don't feel pressured to meet any of his expectations if you're not comfortable with any of them.
Dating Rules For Your Safety
* Where to meet him?
There aren't any specific dating rules for where to meet (it really matters who the guy is and what you both have in common). But meeting in a public place is definitely one of the important safety dating rules! You can start with a coffee date, some place familiar to you and that you feel comfortable in (it can be your favorite coffee shop or a place you feel good going to). You can go mini-golfing, bowling, or any other place that is public and known to you. Avoid setting up your first date in new places you have never been before. I don't want to say "never" ("never say never"), but I HIGHLY reccommend you NOT meet at a place that is not public (a private home, hotel room, or any other remote location).
* When to meet him? How long should the date take?
Make your 'coffee date' an 'afternoon coffee date'; at a time no later than mid-afternoon (a few hours before it gets dark is best). Set a time for the start and end of the date. Putting a time limit for your first date is a pretty good idea (not only for safety reasons) - if it's a good date than it will leave "a taste of more" and you'll both meet for the second date very fast. If it's a 'No way' date than limiting time frees you out of it much faster and without any need for further explanations. If you don't feel comfortable around this person, well the date was only for a half-an-hour, so you can end it politely. In all cases it's good to put a time limit for the first date.
Dating Rules For Your Safety
* What to wear?
Please ladies, dress appropriately; I know you want to look your best but 'looking your best' doesn't mean you have to expose your body. Be aware to the fact that a man will translate exposed cleavage to an invitation for sex. One of those important dating rules: avoid giving out false impressions. You can be very sexy without wearing exposed clothes. Besides, to my opinion it's much sexier to leave some things for further meetings; by not exposing 'all the cards' in the beginning you're much sexier than from exposing the whole *Shabang* from the beginning.
* What to take on a first date?
If you have a mobile phone, take it with you on dates. Most cell phones can be used to call 911 (make sure 911 services are available in your area). If not, know your emergency number. Keep your mobile phone open and reachable throughout the whole date. Some women feel more safe taking a bottle of mace with them (a tear gas spray, also called 'pepper spray' that is most times used for self-defense). There are lots of different kinds of pepper spray/mace, you can get them on key chains, or just as small bottles you can put in your purse. If it makes you feel more safe, it's worth it! Here's a great website that has lots of different kinds of pepper spray/mace to check out.
Dating Rules For Your Safety
* Who needs to know what and where you're going?
Make sure you have a friend or a close family member that knows all the details of your date and stay in touch with him/her before and after the date. Let your friend know where you're going, when you're going, and when you're coming back. Set up a time for him to call you and check that everything is ok with you. You can also create a 'secret' language between you and your friend. Your friend can call during the date and you will say a certain 'code' words that you both decided on, and that way your friend will know how you are doing.
You can also let your date know the meeting is not a secret and that someone knows where and when your meeting is taking place.
Dating Rules For Your Safety
* How to get there?
Out of all of the dating rules, this is one of the most important dating rules: How to get there? By yourselves! Never-Ever ask the other person to pick you up. You haven't met him yet, you don't know who he is. Besides, it's so much better to start a new relationship from an independent starting point and not from a 'relying upon' approach. Get yourself to and from the date, even if you have to have a friend drive you or take a taxi or even bus.
* What to talk about?
It's good to talk about things that came up from your online correspondence - it will give you a clue how honest the guy is (most likely, if the guy is telling you the truth, you'll probably be hearing the same things you read on your computer screen or from what you heard on the other side of the phone). If you are hearing things that don't sound the same as what you were told before, than your red light should turn on, be very aware and alert if things start sounding fishy. If you feel like the guy is dishonest and fabricating all kinds of tall tales and falsehoods, it's probably the right time to stick to your Exit plan.
Dating Rules For Your Safety
* How to behave throughout the date?
Please ladies - Stay SOBER. Avoid alcohol and other drugs before and throughout your date. I highly recommend you to stick to nonalcoholic drinks when meeting someone for the first time. Yes, I know "drinking can take the pressure out of the date" though it's not worth it, I assure you. Drinking can make it difficult to think clearly or cause you to behave in ways you wouldn't normally behave. It could also impair your ability to make good decisions and may put you at risk.
Second, never leave the table with your drink still filled!
This is a very important point! We have all read the newspaper stories about blind dates ending up as sexual harassment dates and it starts with Rohypnal, a colorless, odorless drug that causes blackouts and unconsciousness. If you must leave your drink unattended to go to the restroom, order another when you return. For safety's sake!
Dating Rules For Your Safety
* How far to go?
Know your limits. Decide ahead of time how far you're willing to go in a sexual situation. I highly recommend reading my article on the dating rules of how far to go on a first date before making this decision. It can be crucial!
Notice if you start to feel uncomfortable. To be precise - Notice if you feel forced. Pay attention if your date gets too close, touches you in a way you don't like, or ignores your limits – this is a big No-No. Does your date try to persuade you to do things you don't want to do? Do you feel threatened at some point of your date? Does your date refuse to take "no" for an answer? These are warning signs.
Be particularly careful when there's an age difference. You may more likely feel pressured into sexual contact if your date is older or more experienced. A younger date may lack the confidence to know and communicate sexual limits clearly.
Dating Rules For Your Safety
* How to end your date?
It's not a good idea to give in to the temptation of taking your first dates to your home (or to go to his place). Stay in a public place, even if you are pressured. And if you feel pressured, communicate what you really feel and end the date.
If you are followed to where you parked your car, stop and hail a taxi or go into another public place to use the telephone and phone a friend. Come back later with your friend to get your car.
Red Flags (to look out for)
- Odd hours, Vague information - Notice if your guy can only meet or talk to you at odd hours. If you talk on the phone and he speaks in hushed tones or "has to go" all of a sudden, the person may not be as single as he claims to be or he may be keeping a secret. Some people are very private, but if you're about to take your relationship to the next level – it's time to open up!
- Do your digging - Google your guy, run a background check if you want, do your own research on potential love matches, including asking questions, utilizing Internet search engines and most importantly, use common sense. Grab as many details as you can on the guy - just make sure you search the right guy, when it comes to "Jo Smith" you might find millions on the web; other than the name, write in more words that suite the guy's personality or lifestyle (for example: "artist", "Brooklyn, NY", "chef", "lawyer", etc.). Also, when you put "quotations" on both sides of the word when searching via a search engine, the search gives you the exact phrase in the quotation marks.
- Love at first sight? - Proceed with caution if someone pledges undying love after a first meeting — or even after a few conversations online. Lust at first sight is alive and well, but LOVE is usually an acquired feeling.
- Don't let love rob you blind! - Beware of someone who mentions how broke he is. Also be cautious if he claims he "just got laid off from work," or that his financial adviser "scammed him out" - it can be a trap! These people are probably searching for money and not for a stable relationship.
- Dating a married man?! - This can definitely be a nuisance! There are guys out there who claim they are single but are actually family men looking for excitement. Check out my whole article about finding out if you're dating a married man.
It's important not to rely only on your first impressions (sometimes first impressions are way wrong). Many date rape victims report that their harasser seemed "like a really nice guy" at first. The guy might seem charming and pleasant, but you really need to get to know him before you place your trust in him. The small video below gives a few important dating rules to avoid date rape:
The reason I wrote all of these important dating rules was not to scare you, but to heighten your alertness, raise your awareness, and to put all of the cards in your hands; you have the power to be cause of your life (and not an effect of it...).
The more us ladies are conscious of our surroundings, the more we are connected to our inner intuitions, the closer we will get to our goals! (in this case FINDING TRUE LOVE :-)
Keep your spirits up! Even if you had a lousy date, remember - there are lots of fish in the sea. Don't give up, believe me, it's worth it!
Stay safe on your journey,
