Dating A Married Man

Out of all the online dating scenarios, dating a married man is the most common phenomenon to be found. MSNBC research shows that 30% of people using online dating services are married. Here is one of those letters explaining this scam:

 

"I thought I had met the guy of my dreams, I didn't know I was dating a married man. He seemed very intelligent, educated and successful. The first time we talked we clicked, so there was a second date then a third. It developed into a relationship. In the beginning I thought everything was ok. But my surprise came on Aug 17, 2006. I received a text message reply saying surprise this is his wife! I had a feeling he was lying to me and my friend went to his house and there they were, him, his wife and his three children"

 

So, you find this really great guy online. A few mails and ICQ chats later, he's captured your attention, and you can't stop thinking about him. Before you take one step further, please Stop! Remember that old sentence: "Slow and steady wins the race"? And please read through my 'Dating A Married Man' article to make sure you're not dating a married man (It's better to exercise caution now, than regret later).

If you are dating a married man (at this very moment) and if you're looking for a monogamous relationship, dating a married man is a BIG NO-NO. You might feel that he is your soul mate, but think about it again, a real “soul-mate” wouldn't keep you on the sidelines. Other than that, if he's cheating on his wife, how do you know you're the ONLY ‘other woman' he has? He might have many. Even if you were the only ‘other woman', you still know you're dealing with a cheater… who told you he won't cheat on you too?

 

" I met this guy one year ago. And since we met my life became a rollercoaster of hell for a solid year! He told me he had been divorced for 2 months, and that his wife had cheated with his best friend and neighbor. I didn't know I was dating a married man, I thought he was divorced. I found out over the next few months that his “ex” was still in the house and that he was running a double life througout the whole year we've been together" (Debora, Ca)

 

Married men usually use their charm on very trusting and naïve people, someone who can be easily manipulated. I want to help you observe if you're dating a married man. You needn't be afraid of trying online dating because of the idea of dating a married man, it's just important that your awareness is as sharp as it can be so that dating a married man is not an option.

How can you avoid falling for a married man's cyber line? And what are the warning signs that the guy on the other end of the cute emails is otherwise engaged? Take note of these tips.

 

Clear-Cut Clues to identify married men on the net:

 

1. His profile photo is either missing or totally blurred and unfocused . If you're favorite guy is having trouble with sending you his picture he may be hiding something. What married man wants his picture accessible to millions of people, some of whom might know his wife? Or his kids? He will probably feel more free to send you his picture through his private e- mail then to publish it in his profile. This is the first 'Red Light' for you ladies... Watch out.

 

2. Married men list their status as "separated" in their profile. In order to feel good with themselves they will tend to smooth their lies by saying they are "separated" or "in the processes of divorce" so when they meet you they can tell half truths about their reality. Most of these men love to spin stories mixed with truth and untruth in order to build credibility.

 

3. They won't hurry to give you their home number and cellular numbers . They will probably find acceptable excuses like: 'I just moved and haven't hooked it up yet,' or 'I work all day, call me at the office' but more likely they will ask for your number. Don't be tempted to give it unless you feel completely safe! (check out my Dangers of Online Dating article , I recommend talking on an anonymous phone service like Skype, etc.). Otherwise, if he does give you his cell-phone number, you might be finding yourself forced to leave him messages (this gives him time to call you back when no one is around and where secrets can be alive).

 

4. They will be unpredictable and maintain strange communication habits about their responses back to you. They will call you back or respond to your E-mails and text messages in strange hours (late at night or very early in the morning) or in specific hours of the day every day (when they might be at work or lunch time). Obviously, a married man needs to handle "family life" which takes time. They may not be as available to talk, write or text message you as quickly as men who are single and have lots of free time on their hands can . Be aware with the correct times that he is calling you. Ask yourself questions: Where is he calling me from? Does it always seem to be about the same time that he calls? Are the calls frequent, or are they interrupted? Things like this are ways to identify if he could possibly be juggling a double life.

When dating a married man, these questions aren't trivial.

 

5. They have no rush to meet ; Flirting with girls on the net "is not yet cheating" for most men opinions so they tend to take their time in their cyber romances. If your guy tends to postpone your meetings he might be hiding something.

 

6. They won't say where they live ; they might say 'Let's go to your place, I have roommates' or 'I've just moved in and my home is a mess', but if he keeps putting you off about seeing where he lives, then chances are he is hiding something from you and most likely it's his wife and possibly children!

 

7. They will not give any information about themselves and their backgrounds . When you're dating a married man, most of your conversations will be about you; married men tend to be over protected with their private life, they make you tell them everything about yourself, and get you to do the talking in order to turn the attention off of them. Some men will say that there is nothing to tell about themselves, that their whole life is boring (until they met you…). Within 2-3 meetings you can easily identify this symptom (us girls tend to love the attention… don't let it fool you…). They almost never tell you their last names (or lie about them…). You need to trust your instincts, if he does give you a last name – look him up in a local phonebook or on the Internet. You can even jokingly ask to see his driver's license (as if you want to see his picture). If he starts being defensive about showing you his driver's license, that's definitely another red light turning on.

Ladies, if he's not open to tell you about his life and upbringing, most likely he's hiding something from you.

 

8. Most of your meetings are private, just the two of you. You never get the chance to meet his friends or his family . And he is not that interested in meeting yours that fast. If you're dating a married man, you'll notice that he doesn't seek a new social environment and will do everything he can to avoid these meetings. You are a secret in their lives, that's how they want to keep it. They will prefer private sessions at your house 'let's go to your place, I'll bring the wine…' You might find yourself sharing your friends and family with him, but anything that has to do with his friends and family never takes place, this is when you know something is really wrong!

 

9. Married men tend to move too fast when talking about sex . Think about it, people that want to establish a serious relationship do not go there so fast. If they really want to get to know you they will reach out slowly and not rush to get intimate online.

 

10. Continuity … When dating a married man you'll notice he'll need to lie all the time... BUT the problem with lies is that within time liars tend to forget their lies. Keep some notes on your talks, particularly about their personal details and history (if they told you something about it). Ask the same questions again and see if you get the same answers (most chances you'll get different ones). The good thing about Internet messages is you can save your talks as text files to refer to later. If the relationship goes on for a while, they may not remember their own past very well and you can catch those mistakes, which show they are lying.

 

Here are a few body symptoms to identify liars when you meet them:

* Liars move a whole lot while talking with somebody: Shifting foot positions, touching their face (nose and mouth area), swaying, rapidly moving their hands, etc. These signs show that the person feels uncomfortable and might be lying.

* Liars have a hard time staring you in the eyes while speaking with you. Rapid eye movements and shifting them to all directions while talking is a good key to identify something is wrong.

* Liars tend to hesitate or stutter before answering a question. An amateur liar will ask you to repeat your question in order to give him more time to make up a lie. The professional liars tend to have prepared answers in advance so they will bypass this symptom.

* Liars are extremely defensive when you question them too much. In one time or another their prepared answers will finish and if you keep on asking them intimate questions they will get overly defensive. They will use the technique of asking a question in response to your question. Beware and proceed with caution.

 

Dear ladies, DON'T let LOVE rob you blind and in the same breath don't let these men stand in your way to finding your true life partner, it's a real waste of time.

After a while in the online dating world you will become skilled at noticing if you're dating a married man and be able to identify them easily. This will help you move past those contacts and start relationships with genuine people who are being honest and open with you and want to develop that kind of love, the kind that can grow and become a beautiful part of each of your lives.

Believing in You,